Every year, once a year, it looms, it lurks, it sneaks up on you, subtle like a kick in the head, inescapable like the IRS. Yep, that’s right: it’s Valentine’s Day. All singles HATE it (and even some couples do), but NOBODY does a damn thing about it. Like most, you bitch and rant about the shameless corny-ucopia of commercial exploitation the holiday has become, and can’t stand the feeling that no date on V-Day automatically brands your forehead with a big, fat capital “L”. Then listen up, my friend; MyClandestine.com has this message for you:

So what if this year you don’t have a “special someone” in your life? Not that you’re celibate or anything radical like that, but you don’t have someone special enough to bring home to mama, flaunt at the company picnic or anywhere else people might see you or—God forbid!—recognize you. In other words: you don’t have a boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé/e, husband, or wife. But what you might have is

a) a fuck-buddy
b) a friend-with-benefits
c) a booty on call
d) a slumpbuster
e) a boy toy
f ) a sugar daddy
g) a sugar mama
h) a sugar baby…

… or all of the above?

STOP feeling dejected, then, and start appreciating your position. If this year you don’t have love, celebrate LUST on CLANDESTINE’S DAY!
Long gone the days when Valentine’s eve was cheaters’ quiet date night with their secret lovers, a consolation prize for being deserted on the holiday of love. Finally, out of the shadow of the big looming V, FEBRUARY 13 is a day of fun and celebration in its own right. So, this year, come February 14, DON’T give into peer pressure and ask the wrong person to be your Valentine for fear of looking like a lonely, pathetic loser. Here’s a much healthier option:

on FEBRUARY 13, beat those couples to the punch and ask your secret hook-up, “Hey!” (In case you don’t know/remember their name), “Will you be my Clandestine?” And feel free to follow any of the following tips to celebrate C-Day your way:

• Throw a Clandestine’s Day party and invite a bunch of horny singles like yourself to help you celebrate and provide new hook-up material.
• Grab your Clandestine and proceed to have loud, wild sex anywhere V-Day revelers might hear you grunt and scream (e.g., the elevator at Tiffany’s; Victoria Secret’s fitting rooms; under the Godiva counter; at the Hallmark store; the Zales’ diamond sale; at the florist’s, between the floribundas and the grandifloras).
• Demonstrate what you learned in Tantra class.
  Repeat.

See where we’re going with this?

HAPPY CLANDESTINE’S DAY!!!