I almost left this one alone, but then I said to myself: Fuck it, it’s too good to pass.
By now I’m sure you’ve all heard of the married college professor with more kinks than a Rastafarian convention, who almost kicked it with one of his 6-inch-heeled pumps in the attempt to get off. Sixty-seven-year-old Robert Benjamin was rushed to St. Vincent’s Hospital in Manhattan after nearly asphyxiating in an S&M club in Midtown, when his foot slipped out of a high-heeled shoe, dangerously compromising his balance while wearing a hood over his head and a noose-like contraption around his neck, which kept him constricted and slightly elevated. When I read the news yesterday and found out that the guy was recovering after the close call, I couldn’t help but chuckle. However, the story gets really funny 3 days after the fact, when a somewhat confused Benjamin woke up after a brief coma and stated the following: "I don't want this to spoil my marriage." (Good luck with that one, professor. )"I don't want my wife to leave me, but I have to tell her the truth. I'm going to share everything with her. I think my family will forgive me." (Um… Sure they will.) "It's like when you crave a turkey," added the professor. "You eat it and you eat it and you eat it, but you still want it. But now I've had enough. I don't want turkey anymore. I'm full." Which only takes care of turkey, doesn’t it, professor? But what about the high-heels, the gags and the nooses? What about the “Wheel” at the Nutcracker Suite? What about Taki Noriko, your favorite dominatrix?
Quitting turkey is one thing; quitting S&M “cold turkey” is another one entirely.